1st blogiversary

I am writing this post a week after my actual blogiversary, because it took me a week after I created my blog to have the courage to post a poem every day. In fact starting the blog was an idea I had sat on for a while after gentle encouragement from my best friend Paul to start one and join the lovely WordPress community, which has introduced me to many great people including my blog mother and sister.

And it does take courage to post things, I would like to say that it has gotten easier over time, but as I found myself writing more, I found myself putting more of myself into my writing, exposing things through poetry I hadn’t thought about or been able to put into words for years. It has brought up a lot of things for me and put to rest a lot of things–and I am glad for this. It can be so easy to forget things things you’ve overcome and struggled with and writing is a good way for me to reflect on these things and move forward.

I wish my courage came from some sort of internal epiphany, but it was motivated by a car crash that happened–you guessed it–a week after I started my blog. I was driving back from Newfoundland with my girlfriend and her family in late July–a treacherous 24 hour trip which includes a ferry ride from the actual Newfoundland main-land to Nova Scotia. It was approaching dusk, about 10 hours into our trip, and I was using the last bits of light to continue reading Haruki Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore, when all of a sudden I heard screams from the back seat and the crashing of glass. I don’t remember the actual impact, or what happened after, just opening my eyes, the moose a distant figure on the road in the setting sun, struggling to stand. I remember getting out of the car and thinking that I should be dying, looking back at the massive moose with whom we impacted. I was in shock, I wanted to be home, I missed my family.

car crash.jpg

This was the states of the car after the crash. I was sitting on the passenger side that was crunched in. Being that I am 6’5” I was had my chair fairly far back so my knees would fit into the car (a struggle all tall people know). Had I been sitting a few inches closer the car would’ve caved in on my head. Instead I was left with nothing more than a small scar on my shoulder from a piece of glass that found it’s way into my skin.

And as silly as it sounds, this is when my writing truly started. I realized I started the blog to help me write a novel–and that life was precious–and if I kept waiting for the right time I would never get around to it. I have watched myself grow through my writing. It is hard sometimes. Some nights I sit up obsessing over the placement of simple words, or rethinking of the meaning of something I’ve wrote. But I am forever grateful that I have done this and all the things WordPress has done for me, all of the kind words of praise I’ve received, the writing I’ve read that has inspired me.

So I have commemorated this moose accident with a small pair of antlers in among the stars on that back of my book cover as can be seen here. A simple gesture to a great beast of a moose who lost it’s life due to a clumsy coincidence. The crash was not his fault, or my girlfriends dad’s, or mine, just something that happens. One of those great, beautiful, tragic, messy things. Thank you to all of those who follow me, to those who inspire me, and everyone who reads. Here’s to another year.

milk and honey

How much blood, sweat and tears

Must we give to a government

Who squandered our land,

Flowing with milk and honey,

To build up mansions

On our backs,

Beaten and broken;

Fortunes made on too much blood,

Too much sweat,

And too many tears—

How can they still enjoy

Our milk and honey.

what is normal?

When you find yourself starting to break,
The vulnerability
Can seep out through the cracks
At the most inopportune times;
Asking for help in all the wrong places,
Shouting into the void;
Seeking help within normal society
Where the social norm isn’t normal,
Where we can’t express our emotions
But instead must be ‘okay’.